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PETA’s founder to leave behind grisly bodily gifts upon her death

PETA founder Ingrid Newkirk has announced her desire to leave behind a grisly set of assets upon her death. This includes a luxury handbag made from her skin, her lips to be delivered to the US president, and parts of her bowel gifted to Salt Bae.

As Argentine revolutionary Che Guevara famously showed in his last moments, the ultimate statement of defiance can sometimes be made in death.

This belief is one evidently shared by PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) founder Ingrid Newkirk, who wishes to divvy up parts of her body to be sent as grisly gifts for several key public figures upon her passing.

News of Newkirk’s revised will was announced by the organisation on Monday, along with a list of beneficiaries and a macabre diagram displaying the activist’s likeness.

A series of labels point to different body parts like a sort of grim buffet, each featuring a recipient, detailed instructions, and the reasoning behind every decision.


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‘On his deathbed, they asked Bob Hope where he wanted to be buried and he replied “Surprise me”’, said Newkirk.

‘In my case, when I die I hope to keep on surprising those who harm animals, provoking conversation about speciesism, and campaigning against animal abuse’.

To this aim, she has targeted supposed offenders across all industries and even included the newly coronated King Charles III. His majesty is to receive a piece of Newkirk’s neck on account of the royal family’s history of pigeon hunting – and the practice of wringing birds’ necks after races.

French president Emmanuel Macron will reportedly receive a vacuum-packed liver to highlight the nation’s position as the biggest producer of foie gras, a duck liver entree created by cruelly force-feeding the waterbirds over time.

Another high-profile target is the Ministry of Defence, but this case is dependent on a changeable factor. Should the department continue to use bear skin for caps on the King’s Guard uniform by the time of Newkirk’s passing, the PETA chief will demand some of her own skin is delivered to their premises.

In a pretty self-explanatory retort to the fashion industry’s overuse of leather, some of Newkirk’s hide could even be transformed into a high-fashion handbag or belt, though God knows who would willingly make that.

Summarising the remainder of what is a seriously extensive list, Newkirk has asked to have her flesh fried at a celebrity barbeque, her lips sent to Joe Biden as an ode to his ‘kissing up to the turkey industry’, and part of her heart sent to Twitter boss Elon Musk to signify Neuralink’s testing on animals.

Finally, as a love letter to Michael Schumacher and Lewis Hamilton, she would like the remainder of her heart buried under the petrol-spluttering tracks of Hockenheim and Silverstone. Click here to marvel at the full, comically twisted list.

Despite being somewhat tongue and cheek – quite literally – this is very much a culmination of PETA’s shock-inducing tactics deployed in recent years. This instance is less about gore-baiting individuals into avoiding meat, however, and is more targeted at the institutions with the power to enact change quickly.

Exactly how the organisation plans to top this ploy in the future, we have no idea.