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What is ‘soft socialising’ and why is everyone doing it?

Gen Z are choosing gentler forms of fun thanks to stressful work schedules and marketing fatigue. 

Have you recently vowed to delete the dating apps (again)? Join the club. Modern life has made socialising – romantic or otherwise – a largely digital task, and in so doing has made one of our most fundamental instincts just that: a task.

Don’t get me wrong, introverts will tell you that meeting new people has always been a chore. But in our technology-obsessed age the process of expanding your social circle has become almost unbearable. Ironically it’s the promise of instant gratification and minimal effort that makes modern socialising so taxing.

Endless options and very little human interaction make the rewards – connection, mental stimulation and personal growth – more elusive. What we’re left with are a bevy of platforms essentially dishing up ‘forced fun’. ‘What happened to being spontaneous!’ I cry into my umpteenth Hinge doom scroll of the week.

It’s somewhat reassuring to learn that gen Z are battling this dating app burnout by rejecting high-pressure networking, instead gravitating toward in-person meetups (remember those!) that centre on relaxed, shared activities. It’s what the kids are calling ‘soft socialising’.

Not only does soft socialising combat doomscrolling, but it’s a trend reshaping dating and friendship. Instead of relying on apps to start conversation, young people are curating their human interaction around shared experiences.

When we’re always available online, crafting a public persona through the gleam of social media, soft socialising provides a space for being present. As Robert Alexander, assistant professor of psychology and counseling at the New York Institute of Technology, said, ‘Shared activities frequently draw attention away from you and onto something external.’

‘Pauses in the conversation can come and go without feeling awkward, and you can feel relieved of the responsibility for sustaining the conversations moment-to-moment.’

It makes sense given 67% of gen Z adults in the US have reported feeling lonely. But resolving that loneliness isn’t always straightforward – as professor of sociology at Maryville University Kent Bausman has discovered.

Because young people are constantly in some form of social connection, Bausman argues, they find traditional forms of in-person gathering feel more burdensome. It’s not that gen Z are antisocial, but that they’re overstimulated. Soft socialising is a kind of course-correction.

These gentler forms of fun include taking classes like pottery or painting, perhaps even salsa dancing. It’s a chance for gen Z to get out of their heads, into their bodies, and find a sense of presence amidst constant pressures to perform a sense of self. In theory, it’s making socialising easier because you can approach others from a place of authenticity.

Soft socialising also correlates with a rise in capitalist fatigue amongst younger generations. Where ‘it-products’ like Birkin bags and cult sneakers were once status symbols, hobbies have emerged as a profoundly anti-capitalist alternative.

Whether it’s crafting or crocheting, hobbies offer a means of self-expression that can’t easily be duped. And while personal projects are often monetised, your niche interest is generally harder for companies to commodify.

As Curated Spaces explores, the rise of hobbies has shifted everything from travel to the way we interact. Retreats focused on reading or wine tasting are on the rise, and young people are finding ways to learn new things through evening and weekend classes. Some are even heading back to part-time higher education.

All of this trickles down to socialising. By filling our own cup first, we’re able to bring more to our human interactions. And by pushing ourselves to learn something new, we’re also more open to surprising connections – like meeting people who might challenge our way of thinking. The algorithm has made these kinds of interactions much harder, thanks to online echo chambers.

Soft socialising doesn’t promise to solve loneliness, nor does it offer another hack for becoming a more interesting or desirable person. Instead, it creates the conditions for connection to happen naturally – without pressure.

In a culture defined by screens and endless choice, the idea of doing something together, with no particular outcome in mind, sounds very good to me.

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