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Unpacking why everyone’s ‘very demure, very mindful’ online

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London, UK
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Forget Brat summer, it’s time for another new trend. Hot on the heels of the brash and bold mentality that Charli XCX had us embracing with her latest album, its antithesis has blown up on TikTok, seeing users satirically favour modesty over lime green hedonism.

I. Cannot. Keep. Up.

In tangent with our social media addiction becoming an out-of-control one, the trend-cycle’s spiralled to a point that has even the most well-versed netizens scratching their heads.

With regard to summers alone, in the space of just three years we’ve seen hot girl turn into feral girl turn into Brat – the latter sparking arguably the most iconic pop culture moment in recent history, spilling over from music into memes (of course), fashion, and even politics.

If you’ve been living under a rock, it all began with Charli XCX and her latest album.

Released in time for Pride, it was immediately touted as being ‘for the gays,’ but quickly evolved into an entire movement celebrating boldness, brashness, and lime green hedonism across the board.

Ever since, the ‘Brat’ mentality has been absolutely dominating the zeitgeist.

Almost exactly akin to the attitude of hot and feral girls, it involves ‘being a girl who’s a little messy and likes to party and maybe says some dumb things sometimes,’ – as defined by Miss Charli herself.

But we’re not here to talk about that.

Because with as much haste as we ditched our bras, threw on a white tee, picked up a pack of cigs and a Bic lighter to go with it, another buzzword has taken full command of the Internet and its ethos is the antithesis of the skimpy style choices, deliberate dirtiness, and voracious volatility that made Brat the aesthetic of the year.

‘You see how I do my makeup for work? Very demure. Very mindful,’ says content creator and self-proclaimed ‘fierce diva,’ Jools Lebron, in a satirical – extremely viral – video on why women should present themselves conservatively in the workplace.

@joolieannie #fyp #demure ♬ original sound – Jools Lebron

‘I don’t come to work with a cut crease. I don’t look like a clown. I don’t do too much. I’m very mindful. You see how I look very presentable? The way I came to the interview is the way I go to the job.’

She continues: ‘ a lot of you girls go to the interview looking like Marge Simpson and go to the job looking like Patty and Selma. Not demure. I’m very modest. I’m very mindful. You see my shirt? Only a little chee chee out, not my cho cho. Be mindful of why they hired you.’

And there you have it. Brat is out and demure is in.

‘I can always tell when there’s a new TikTok buzzword because I saw 73 tweets with the word ‘demure’ in it today,’ wrote an advocate on X, while another joked ‘Brat summer, demure fall.’

As always with the endless colloquial terms that seem to spawn from Gen Z and the digital platforms the cohort lives and breathes, it’s important to take this one with a pinch of salt.

If you go hunting for its meaning, google will tell you to be ‘reserved, modest, and shy,’ but as tradwife-coded as that sounds, this state of mind’s rapid adoption is more tongue-and-cheek.

Appearing to poke fun at clean girls and their obnoxiously minimalistic ‘classiness’ (thank God, honestly), social media users everywhere have started applying ‘demure’ to all contexts, from buying groceries and eating doughnuts, to bed rotting and dosing up on antidepressants.

The phrase du jour has even received the stamp of approval from Charli, who posted one of Lebron’s TikToks on her Insta story.

As I said though, it’s not intended to be a serious critique; demure is ironic, it’s an invite for those who’ve been a little messy and said dumb things this summer to remind themselves of their demurity as the colder months slowly creep in.

And in reminding myself of mine, I’ve come to realise that perhaps I shouldn’t be complaining that I can’t keep up with constantly emerging online crazes and the brain-mush they induce. Doing so isn’t very demure, very mindful of me, now is it.

Feature Media Manager & Senior Writer London, UK

Sofia (She/Her) – I’m the Deputy Editor & Media Partnership Manager at Thred, specialising in exclusive articles and live interviews, fashion and beauty with a focus on sustainability, women’s rights, psychedelics, and Latin America. I studied Spanish at the University of Exeter and International Journalism at City, London. Follow me on Twitter, LinkedIn, and drop me some ideas/feedback via email.

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