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The short answer is because you probably are pretending to be someone you’re not, at least a little bit.
I’m not a fan of the ‘bring your whole-self to work’ idea. I think we all adopt different personas for different areas of our lives: we’re different with our friends, families, close workmates, and wider professional connections.
So, when you’re networking, you’re adopting your professional persona. Hopefully that isn’t too different to your ‘authentic’ persona, but it can feel a little awkward, especially early on in your career before you’ve had time to figure out what your professional persona is.
The feeling can be particularly acute when you are embarking upon transitions: from student to professional; from individual contributor to line manager, from junior to senior, from one job to another, or one industry to another. Part of making the transition is pretending to be someone you’re not at first. Over time, you become more comfortable with your new persona.
That said, I think it’s often possible to feel more authentic when you’re networking. While it’s important to keep up professional formalities (start messages with an appropriate salutation, write clearly with correct spelling and grammar, be punctual, thank people for their time and insights, etc…) I think there are three tips that help you feel more like yourself.
People usually appreciate you being candid and direct about what you want to talk about (For example: “I’m about to graduate from university and I’m keen to learn more about careers in law, especially in the real estate sector”, “We’re thinking of implementing a new CRM and I wanted to talk to folks who use it already”, “I’ve just moved to the area and wanted to connect with other folks working in bio-tech here”). There’s no point in beating about the bush.
You can share personal information. Your new connection isn’t going to be your best buddy right away, but it’s good practice to chat a little about what you did at the weekend, or how your week is going, or your frustrations with delayed trains or whatever. This builds rapport and helps us to connect on a human level.
Focus on being curious about the other person and learning about them. Focus on building the relationship, and on a mutual exchange of value (if you can). Don’t treat them transactionally as a means to an end. That will nearly always feel inauthentic to you, unless you’re some kind of sociopath.
