angel vs. devil

I’m pondering the long-term effects of our silly little decisions because I’m in a battle with the devil perched on my shoulder. Mine has a nicotine addiction, sponsored by LOST MARY INC. and it wants me to buy some pineapple ice vapour from the corner shop, like now.

There’s that part of my mind asking: what would actually happen if you bought a new, juicy vape and took that glorious first inhale? Would the world quake? Would a flood erupt? Would all your friends and family decide that they suddenly hate you and never speak to you again?

I’m an adult, obviously, so nothing would happen. The world wouldn’t make us all do the percolator, nor it wouldn’t split in two. A monumental flood wouldn’t break through the sea barriers and swallow New York City into the Atlantic. In fact, even my friends would likely shrug their shoulders and say ‘girl… don’t be so hard on yourself.’

That said, the angel on my shoulder knows that spending my hard earned dollas on nicotine is basically like lighting a match to a £20 note every week. I’m siding with her these days (as in, the last four) because I do feel like this small decision, when compounded, is bound to impact the wider web of my future.

Am I okay with being one of millions of humans lab rats testing whether inhaling nicotine salts and vapour is okay for our lungs in the long-term? Sure, vaping may be better than tar-infused tobacco, but does sucking salted droplets from a virgin plastic-coated lithium battery really do no harm at all?

Mounting scientific papers suggest we’re probably fucked. But who knows?

It’s easy, when suffering through nicotine withdrawals, to wonder what the point of stopping is. Who would actually care if I never stopped? If nothing matters and we all die anyway, why change our habits for the better at all?

Then I think of the financial cost, the potential health risks, the future I could miss out on. Imagine cutting your life short because you just loved the taste of pineapple flavoured vapour? Embarrassed.

If you’re thinking about quitting, I wish you luck. It’s hell for like the first 3 days – be prepared for your over-worked dopamine receptors to crash out during this period – then, slowly, maybe without realising, you basically forget you ever ‘needed’ it.

As my bestie said during the weekend “when you’re stressed, just remember: that little piece of plastic isn’t gonna make you happy”.

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Until next time,