Avoiding a (love) hangover
One of alcohol’s best (and worst) superpowers is its ability to make the mundane a little more fun.
This also applies to how it makes us feel during interactions with others, meaning even the most incompatible person might seem a little more interesting or appealing after one, two, or three drinks.
On top of this, alcohol rouses feelings of euphoria and reduces anxiety, meaning we’re far more likely to ignore or gloss over red flags that would stand out to us as potential deal-breakers if we had been sober.
Glowing with positivity from a few cocktails, lost in uninhibited conversation, and charged with flirtatious energy, we become inclined to forget to ask important questions, set boundaries, or elaborate properly on certain topics.
In this way, alcohol can ultimately distort the way we feel about someone we’re dating as well as the perceptions they form about us. It also may blunder our decision-making process, nudging us to move too fast, too soon.
Waking up the next morning – alone or not – can usher in a literal and metaphorical headache, depending on how much you’ve drank.
Was that fuzzy feeling triggered by funny and charming conversation, or was it just the alcohol warming my insides? Am I remembering it wrong or was that joke kind of distasteful? What did they mean when they said I remind them of their sister?
In this vein, it seems that drinking might absolve some of the awkwardness around meeting up with a total stranger initially. But in many cases, it only prolongs negative emotions for later on when you’re trying to figure out if the date was as great as you thought, if your compatibility depends on both of you being completely sloshed, or if you were even attracted to them at all.
For these reasons, amongst others, surveys are showing that 50% of women and 28% of men never drink alcohol on the first date. As many as 1 in 4 men and 1 in 5 women say they would turn down a second date with someone who got drunk on the first one.
Dry dating doesn’t have to be dry
When living in a culture that centres dates and other social events around alcohol, those attempting to move into the dry zone of dating may be met with some weird or surprised reactions.
For GQ, Sable Yong writes about her dates reacting to her dry-dating, saying ‘[Declining a drink offer] can come off as a bit of a hiccup, especially when alcohol easily smooths the social friction surrounding first dates. It’s like, you could go without lube, but why would you?’
For those new to dry dating, the inner question of ‘why not?’ might arise once sitting across from someone at a bar or restaurant – especially if date night drinks have been a standard routine in the past.
In moments like this, those dry dating point to the benefits of having mental and emotional clarity throughout the entire dating process. They describe it as almost ‘teenage-like,’ being aware of every conversational caveat and subsequent feelings as they take place sans alcohol.
Sober dating offers us a chance to see people for who they truly are – nerves and all – instead of the carefree person on display when both of you are completely smashed.
For this reason, some argue that relationships which start on a sober basis have a far more stable foundation to rest on. Couples who meet on sober dates are less likely to question why things got ‘boring’ or ‘lost their spark’ when doing activities that don’t include drinking.
All in all, drinking is always a personal choice. The person who sticks to a single glass of wine on a date probably doesn’t having to do mental gymnastics to remember the ins and outs of the conversations they had with their new crush.
But for those partial to dating over a bottle of wine topped up with a few end-of-night cocktails, maybe dry dating could be a fun experiment.
Even if not long-term, it could be an eye-opening experience that’s worth a shot – metaphorically speaking of course.
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