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three games in, top of the group, and yet I really can’t be arsed
In the build-up to this year’s Euros, there was a distinct difference in feeling among England fans. Having previously revelled in our comfy underdog mentality and self-deprecation other nations mistook for arrogance (It’s coming home), we arrived in Germany as odds-on-favourites, with France, to win the thing.
Despite the general consensus from England supporters that Gareth Southgate’s pragmatic nature – score a goal and park a Wembley-sized bus in-front of Pickford – isn’t best suited to our embarrassment of riches in attack, we still expected big things.
A couple years wiser and physically stronger since the last meaningful Three Lions outing, growing ballers Bukayo Saka, Phil Foden, and Jude Bellingham have all come of age registering top individual seasons at club level. The words ‘world class’ aren’t a stretch to describe any of them these days.
Chuck in Harry Kane, who’s just bagged 44 goals in a debut campaign for Bayern, £100 million Declan Rice, and generational talents Cole Palmer and Kobbie Mainoo, and you’ve enough firepower to put teams away convincingly. Southgate or not, it shouldn’t take Guardiola-level coaching to get us clicking.
Yet, three games in and somehow top of the dullest group in the competition, all energy and enthusiasm about our chances of lifting the title has been sapped out of just about everyone I know. It begs the same question I’ve shouted countless times at the TV and in friend’s faces already: ‘What the f*ck is going on?’
Having calmed down (somewhat) and sobered up, I’m going to have a go at formulating some answers – purely for my own sanity, if anything.
Death, taxes, and England sitting on a one-goal lead
Seemingly scarred by relegation with Middlesbrough in 2009, Southgate still flat-out refuses to let the shackles off England’s golden generation.
Even the oldie at the back of the beer garden with sick on his trackies will tell you, England under Southgate push for a goal and then sit on a lead in a low-block and counter in moments. Go on Jude, carry it 60 yards.
Having thrown away the final against Italy at the last Euros with this mentality, we’re now seeing more of the same. The first game against Serbia was unnecessarily edgy after Bellingham’s opener, and Denmark punished us for shutting up shop early earning a score draw.
The more in-depth, ‘tactico’ analysis is to come, but the overarching philosophy of this team indicates that our nation’s deep rooted fear of making a mistake on the ball persists above all else.
While other federations on the continent have nurtured their youth to want the ball at all costs, be brave, and revel in possession, kids up and down the UK have heard cries of ‘get rid of it!’ for generations. I was one of them.
Despite this crop of players’ immense talent, you can still see that insecurity rear its head regularly during matches and uncertainty rapidly spread through the team. The second the crowd gets antsy, Kyle Walker turns into a League 2 player on the ball and Declan Rice starts shuffling like a pissed grandad at a wedding looking for a sideways pass.
Regardless of qualifying top (with a +1 goal difference), our group stages has been littered with misplaced passes and unforced errors, and that’s against teams placed 57th in the world rankings.
This is the culmination of eight years under Southgate, by the way. EIGHT!
Square pegs in round holes
Among the most basic rules in football management is – and you’ll have no doubt heard the saying – put your players in their best positions.
This, unfortunately, is not a rule Southgate tends to abide by often. In this tournament, he seems determined to start Keiran Trippier, a natural right back at left back, meaning we have no immediate width or simple out-ball down the line when being pressed.
Granted, Southgate had planned to have Luke Shaw in the starting lineup in that role, but the United man hasn’t kicked a ball competitively since February. All the eggs went in that basket, nonetheless, while the likes of Alfie Doherty, Tyrick Mitchell, and Ben Chilwell weren’t selected to travel. It’s odd.
And, while Trippier is inverting into the middle of the pitch instead of overlapping to the byline and whipping crosses in, who is he running into? Oh yes, the Premier League player of the season, Phil Foden – a natural number 10 playing left wing.
Pundits and fans alike have been getting on Foden’s back for his lacklustre performances thus far, and he has to shoulder some blame, but his usual game is completely upended by the system.
Foden is at his best on the half-turn in the middle of the pitch, where he can dribble at the heart of defence finding cute passes and ripping that wand of a left foot at goal. His signature for Manchester City is to make off-the-ball runs inside the fullback and centre back where he can grab goals and assists.
You could cut Southgate slack (I won’t) by suggesting Foden may be a so-called ‘system player’ propped up by Pep’s well oiled machine, but there’s no excuse for playing him out of position and watching him sink three games on the trot.
We’re allowing the impact of arguably our most technically gifted talent since Wayne Rooney to be diminished instead of building around him. In a 4-2-3-1, he must play number 10. In a 4-3-3, he plays as one of the 8s. Southgate needs to see the light or I fear we’re done.
Oh, and don’t even get me started on Trent Alexander Arnold, an attacking right back, playing in England’s double pivot midfield. In-fact, the midfield sh*tshow needs its very own segment.
Midfield merry go round
Was anyone other than a select portion of Liverpool fans happy to see Trent selected for England’s midfield?
In a side where Harry Kane, the striker, is notorious for constantly dropping deep to get on the ball, Southgate opted for Trent to swing 50 yard longballs in-behind for nobody. Besides, did anyone else in the country have the hunch that Serbia would leave space in-behind? Didn’t think so.
Trent’s disasterclass ended late in the game with Conor Gallagher coming on to provide energy and tenacity, latching onto several loose balls. After narrowly escaping with 3 points and receiving a ton of criticism over our lack of midfield control, Southgate bafflingly selected Trent again for Denmark.
What transpired was potentially the worst England performance at a tournament in the last decade. Trent was hooked at half-time for Gallagher again, whose full-throttle endeavour failed to provide any balance or poise to the England midfield.
Fans and pundits later cried out for the inclusion of either Kobbie Mainoo or Adam Wharton, two naturally press resistant options able of breaking lines with forward passes, in the build-up to the final game vs Slovenia. Southgate bewilderingly picked Gallagher again.
Realising his blunder at half time, Gallagher made way for Kobbie Mainoo who brought a semblance of control to England’s play. He, surely, will have done enough to secure a starting place in the Round of 16.
Considering Trent was the answer to the Kalvin Phillips problem, Gallagher was the answer to the Trent problem, and now Kobbie is the answer to the Gallagher problem, we’ve surely found our man. You just never know, though. I’m tired boss.
Should Southgate make that long-overdue adjustment, we’ll shape up better tactically speaking come crunch time at the tournament. Maybe then fans paying thousands to visit Germany won’t boo and throw plastic cups.
On that front, what else needs fixing. You got a free hour?
Patterns of play & tactics? Nah, straight vibes
This is the part where I could bore you to death with excruciating detail, but as it’s late in the day and I’m hot, I will refrain. Here’s some general stuff I’m hoping for.
Remember against Serbia and Denmark where you could order and drink a pint before England completed a successful pressing action? Yeh, that will not do going forward.
Kane isn’t exactly a picture of athleticism and speed, but thankfully his work rate picked up against Slovenia and we were able to regain possession higher up the pitch more regularly. This needs to go up yet another gear for the better sides.
In possession, we went from being criticised for not stretching Denmark by threatening runs in-behind, to putting everyone in the front line on the last man against Slovenia. We need to strike a balance. Foden in the 10 – lingering in the spaces between defence and midfield – with Anthony Gordon threatening on the left might just do the trick.
That way, we may finally start getting effective overloads from the left back, and Harry Kane won’t feel the need to orchestrate outside of the final third so often. I may be in the minority at this point, but I’m not swapping out Kane’s clinical edge for Ollie Watkins’ running… yet.
Despite the state of some of the pitches, we also need to find a way of successfully playing through a press without hoofing it. Denmark was utterly humiliating and lessons have surely been learnt.
Whether we switch to an auxiliary back three in possession is down to Southgate, but one of either Mainoo or Wharton has to be in the mix to help Rice break lines and hold the ball. Quicken up the general tempo of play, let’s see John Stones maraud into midfield ala City, and unlock the frightening running power of Bellingham – you remember, that bloke likely to be top 3 for the Ballon d’Or this year?
Alive and kicking (barely)
My neurotic whinging aside, there is a chance of turning things around. I mean, this has to be the last major tournament Southgate presides over, but he can go out with a bang if he bins off his default pragmatism.
‘Southgate you’re the one, you still turn me on,’ and all that.
We’ve gotten away with an insipid start to the competition, but given the way the groups have aligned, England remain in with a serious chance of winning (in theory). We’re still 4/1 favourites to win the whole thing on Bet365.
Maybe we are just arrogant. F*ck it, football’s coming home!
