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Actor Jason Bateman recently caught heat for telling Charli XCX she might change her opinion on not wanting kids. Why are we still inferring that happily coupled, child-free women are unfulfilled?
I’d like to think we’ve made some strides in the motherhood conversation – and to some extent we have. But I still feel the tail winds of disappointment when I tell my elders there’ll be no children on the cards anytime soon.
It’s probably in my head, but still no fault of my own. Society might have gotten a little quiet when it comes to telling us outright, but there’s still a lingering stench of expectation surrounding motherhood. And it grows more pungent when you start nearing 30.
Still, there are some who still enjoy waxing rhapsodic about the importance of women bearing children. Ironically, these individuals are usually men – often childless themselves. Whether or not it comes from a well-intentioned place, it pisses me off to no end. Particularly when said men use the falling birth rate and feigned concern about the future of humanity as a thinly veiled excuse to judge women.
The latest to start an erudite discussion on child-free women? Actor Jason Bateman, who caught some heat after some choice words with singer Charli XCX.
Before I go any further, I’d like to state for the record that a woman’s decision to refrain from having children is no less valid based on the state of her love life. But it’s often the archaic ‘spinster’ stereotype that continues to inform reductive perceptions of child-free women.
Such was the case, it seems, for Bateman. Speaking to guest Charlie on his SmartLess podcast, he told the singer she ‘might find somebody’ who could change her mind about not wanting kids. Bit awkward, considering Charli has been in a long-term relationship with her husband George, who she married last summer, for several years. The singer often mentions him in her music and has been vocal about their happy partnership.
So not only did Bateman fail to do his homework on a high-profile guest, but with his foot already lodged in his mouth, he continued to firmly lodge it in place with the old misogynistic motherhood comment.
‘Would you love to have more than one kid or would you like to have a kid that has the same experience as you, the only child, and then you get to nurture and protect?’ he asked Charli.
‘I actually don’t really want to have kids,’ she responded. This is a prime example of the expectations I mentioned above, buzzing like elevator music in the background of our late twenties and early thirties. Our first assumption is that women want children at all. To lead with the alternative is almost unthinkable.
Bateman went on to say that his wife hadn’t originally wanted children either, but that meeting him changed things. ‘I mean, I guess I’m backing into giving myself a half-assed compliment here,’ he said. Thanks for your unwavering self-awareness there, Jason.
It’s highly unlikely Bateman’s comments came from a place of ill-will. But it’s frustrating when even well-meaning men, often high-profile, well-liked men, fall into these tired old traps. Why are we still hinging life-altering decisions that involve women’s bodies – and women’s bodies alone – on the experiences and influences of the male species?
