Understanding the pain behind the ‘husband stitch’

“A woman’s body is designed for that contrasting in the vaginal canal.”

Even though the husband stitch is designed for the male partner, it might not necessarily give them any more pleasure.

“It certainly could give guys discomfort,” says Dr Minkin. “It could be too tight for them too.”

And while a “tight” vagina may increase sensation for a male partner during sex, it does not mean that it’s the only way for men to receive sexual pleasure after having a baby.

“Obviously oral sex,” says Dr Laino. “Oral and manual sex is a good option.”

Besides keeping physically fit and doing kegel exercises, Dr Laino also says good communication, effective conflict management, knowing your partner’s body, and doing and working on what pleases them is the key to a perfect sexual relationship with your partner – not an extra stitch.

While the husband stitch is relatively unheard of, it hasn’t stopped people from sharing their stories on social media or even having male partners requesting it to doctors.

Despite the husband stitch being unethical and pain-inducing, it isn’t necessarily an illegal procedure in America.

“As far as illegal, no, it’s not illegal, but ill-advised if it’s going to make the vagina too tight,” says Dr Minkin. “Good judgement should always be used for the women’s comfort.”

But as of January 2022, an amendment to the health and care bill in the UK means that it is illegal to perform procedures intended to reconstruct the hymen – including the husband stitch.

By the time Stefani knew what had happened, the doctor who gave her the stitch had retired, and while she wished she had taken action against him, she knew what to do for her next pregnancy.

“I knew to advocate for myself the next time around and say I really don’t want this unless there’s no other way around it,” says Stefani. “I wish I would’ve [taken action] if I could tell myself now back then, yeah.

“I was just so naïve about it.”

Ten years later, the scar tissue has broken down, and Stefani is finally in a good place with herself and her husband – physically and emotionally.

And as for the husband stitch, it’s not practised as much in the US as it used to be and is considered an outdated procedure in the US.

“No one these days tries to stitch women up too tight,” says Dr Minkin. “I think that providers are much more aware than folks used to be 40 and 50 years ago as far as making a repair too tight.”

From virginity testing to hymen repairs, the husband stitch is one of many procedures that put women’s well-being at risk. And the fact that there are no official statistics or studies of the surgery is alarming in itself.

While these surgeries are slowly being illegalised, it’s important to maintain the conversation on how some parts of the medical world still have an outdated mindset and hold the many licensed professionals accountable for authorising these procedures to happen in the first place.

To help restore her sex life, Stefani was advised to use a lot of lubrication, go slow during sex and wait for the scar tissue to break down.

Other than lubricant Dr Laino recommends experimenting with different positions that might feel a little better.

“Maybe if she’s on top, she has more control, so she can angle her body in different ways that might feel better versus him on top,” says Dr Laino. “Just some inner thigh massage prior to sex because there’s a lot of anxiety of impending pain, even lower abdomen massaging.

“And even using some lavender oil just so the scene, the situation is relaxing, I think is important.”

And as far for episiotomies, it’s rarely performed anymore.

“In general, most obstetricians do not advocate cutting routine episiotomies,” says Dr Minkin. “Most will let the tissue stretch and separate as much as needed to let the baby out, and then we put the tissue back together.”