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swapping date night for swipe time
Research shows phone screens consistently disrupt romantic experiences and emotional intimacy between partners, while also making dating feel transactional and exhausting for singletons. Are Gen Z missing out on connection and real love?
Finding the time to put our phones down and actually sit with a partner can be tricky, particularly in an era where Gen Z are pressured to be as productive, self-driven, and successful as possible.
A recent piece by The New York Times cites this as ‘attention infidelity,’ whereby our partners are not really present when in our company, diverting their energy into algorithms and endless scrolling. This, over time, can erode trust and connection, leaving us feeling more isolated and disillusioned with the people around us.
Previous research from 2019 shows that up to 40% of partnered US adults are ‘bothered by the amount of time their partner spends on their phone,’ with 39% of partnered 18 – 29-year-olds saying social media had ‘made them feel jealous or uncertain about their relationship.’ That is a significant chunk of the population, and suggests that screens are pulling us away from one another rather than enriching our relationships. Given that this data is seven years old – before the rise of TikTok and short-form video – it’s likely that those numbers have only risen since.
It’s not just those who are settled down that are feeling the impact of screens, either.
Dating apps and online meetup platforms, while useful in making new connections, can often leave us feeling dissatisfied and transactional, particularly when it comes to finding a life partner. The constant ‘allure’ of new people, as well as a competitive landscape that demands a well-maintained digital profile, has tons of Gen Zers avoiding dating altogether. This is leading to growing feelings of loneliness and isolation, and partly explains the rise of a so-called ‘sexless generation.’
A 2024 study by Social Media and Society found that active, single people who use dating apps typically display signs of emotional exhaustion and feelings of inefficacy over time. It suggests that apps and constant swiping lead to burnout, with less time spent on finding real people and genuinely moving things forward with a potential partner.
Hinge’s own data also backs this. The company surveyed 30,000 of its users worldwide and found that 84% of Gen Z were looking for ‘new ways to build deeper emotional intimacy’ that went beyond swiping. Yet, despite their desires, most struggle to start conversations and build trust with new people (Hinge then goes on to say that Gen Z are using AI tools for prompt answers, which feels like a bit of a stretch, but still).
Screens are clearly impacting dating and connection. Our reliance on smartphones to meet people clashes with our negative feelings; Gen Z mostly dislikes using dating apps, yet they have to if they want a partner. This contradictory and frustrating relationship with social media mirrors Gen Z’s perception of other areas too, including AI and misinformation. Young people understand the negatives, from burnout to comparison anxiety to disillusionment, but have grown up in a system that makes this technology an essential tool.
So, what’s the solution? We know that more young people are looking for third spaces and investing in real-world community activities, especially running clubs, book clubs, and gym classes. It’s these kinds of movements that can help Gen Z form connections without relying on swiping and feeds. As mentioned, they are self-aware of the impact screens are having.
Whether they can pull away and resist the societal pressure is another question entirely, and while social media regulations are starting to materialise, Gen Z may have to push themselves forward as they progress through adulthood.
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