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detaching from my internet self

It turns out that decades of unmoderated access to the internet might not actually be the best thing for my wellbeing?

Last week, long-time YouTuber iDubbbzTV posted an hour-long takedown video of his former internet friend Ethan Klein, who runs a similarly popular channel called h3h3.

Both were top creators on the platform ten years ago, producing reaction content, satirical parodies of prank videos, and mocking the still fairly-new phenomena of influencer culture. It was a period that you really had to experience first-hand.

I was at university during this time and would watch these two YouTube channels regularly.

This was right around the time of the US election in 2016, amidst Brexit and the beginnings of our cultural conversation around misinformation. Put simply, the internet was in its last moments of being a force for fun and entertainment, holding on to the remnants of what had made it so appealing to begin with at the turn of the century.

Since this era, both Ethan Klein and iDubbbzTV have changed significantly. Where there content was once about comedy, they have since pivoted toward political bickering and bitter social commentary, producing endlessly unentertaining podcasts that mostly consist of attacking others.

Their latest spat is indicative of this change, as the two publicly cuss each other out and throw accusations of bigotry and hate around in videos that are hours long at a time.

Watching their fall from grace has been depressing, and the two creators are no longer even friends. I say all this because I think their story is symbolic of how the internet has shifted over the years.


you were supposed to be the chosen one

When I was a child, being ‘online’ meant sitting at a dedicated desktop space in the house, usually in a spare room away from my parents. You had to dial into your broadband by turning off the main phoneline and it would take a hefty amount of time to actually load up a browser. Truly archaic times.

Crucially, though, these early experiences were during the internet’s infancy.

There were no algorithms, adverts, creator platforms, or means of making any real money. The corporate world had yet to find its footing in this new and exciting space, making it an unexplored and endlessly fascinating innovation. It had the potential to be something that could change humanity for the better.

Fast forward two decades and things seem very different. The internet is now an absolute necessity, existing everywhere and all around us constantly. It sits on our phones, tracking our movements, data, preferences, behaviours, selling all of that information to mysterious third-party companies. We need it for everything, all the time.

It’s also become formulaic. Our time is valuable, which means that companies have found inventive ways to keep our attention for as long as possible. TikTok has blitzed our attention spans, Facebook has warped our perception of news and political discourse, and the rise of AI bots means most of what we’re seeing isn’t even real.

Compared to the internet I first logged into as a five-year-old in 2001, it has since become a dumpster fire of hate, manipulation and aggressive echo-chambers. It has lost so much of its value and is radicalising both ordinary people and celebrities in real time.


stepping away from a space I once loved

Up until about six months ago, I used the internet almost all the time. I would sign up to every platform available, post on social media regularly, and generally regard online connection to others as an inherently good thing.

Gaining perspectives from different people that could alter my own view was always a net positive, I assumed. I was a frequent scroller of Twitter (X), Reddit, Instagram, and everything in between.

I’ve had a lifetime of online usage. I was on Bebo, MSN, Tumblr, Snapchat, and have tried many other sites that have now been lost to time. To put it plainly, I have always loved being on the internet and expressing myself online.

However, over the past year or so I have begun to feel uneasy. I’ve watched creators I once loved become bitter shadows of their former selves, seen musicians like Kanye transform into full blown Nazis, and am now genuinely struggling to determine whether the posts I’m being shown are by actual, living humans. I’m starting to wonder if there’s any point to even checking social media anymore when so much of it is negativity and bots.

The first site I gave up on was Twitter (X). Once Elon Musk took over, the quality of my feed absolutely nose-dived, becoming a wasteland of AI, pornography, and hateful tweets from its new CEO. I’ve not missed it once since I deleted it.

Next came Reddit. I’ve been on there for ten years and used to find it a great place to discover music and read about current affairs. Nowadays it feels like every other post is a bot and the same content is regurgitated over and over. Commentary from users is also alarmist and anxiety-inducing. I’ve removed the app from my phone and have felt better ever since.

The third one has been dating apps. I’ve never liked them much as it is, but being on them recently has made me feel like an unappealing goblin. They’re designed to make us behave this way, with incentives to spend money and stay single in order to please company shareholders and drive profits up.

It’s frustrating. My digital persona on these platforms makes me feel so bad about myself, when in real life I know I’m completely fine. The internet, with all its wonder and possibilities, is so effective at making us feel worse. Deleting these apps can instantly put my mind at ease.

There are little behaviours I’m practicing too. I post far less on my Instagram now, I reduce my screen time, and I try to stay wary of how these services indefinitely hook us on their content. The online world is no longer an escape, but rather a claustrophobic clutter of noises, all desperate to monetise our attention.

Maybe I’m just getting older, I don’t know. But my relationship with the internet is starting to sour after decades of loyal use. So little of it feels genuine, worthwhile, or positive. I’m tired of its extremism and arguments, its polarising politics giving way to right-wing leaders, and its desperately relentless yearning for our time.

I’m not logging off entirely just yet, but it sure feels like it’s headed that way.

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Until next time,

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