Menu Menu

Facebook has launched its own dating app

Facebook are throwing their hat in the online dating ring with the aptly titled ‘Facebook Dating’.

Look, I thought we all had an agreement here. I thought that we all swore we weren’t going to let slip to Facebook that there was one teensy, tiny corner of internet profiteering they hadn’t yet managed to completely monopolise.

I thought we were going to keep the sensitive realm of online dating, where you share some of your most private information and reveal your most vulnerable self to the world, separate from Facebook’s social media broadcasting empire.

Well, too late. The cats out of the bag, and Facebook have finally figured out that they can use all the data they’ve thus far collected from us to match us romantically in what I can only assume is an attempt to regulate the future of humanity through our genetic code.

Facebook announced on Thursday that it’s rolling out ‘Facebook Dating’ across the US in the next week, with the service expected to spread to the UK and Canada early next year.

The program can be accessed in the Facebook app but requires users to create a separate dating-specific profile. It then links you with potential matches (not from your friends list) based on location, indicated preferences, events attended, groups, and whether or not you’d make valuable offspring for Mark Zuckerberg’s race of super cybernetic consumer robot/people.

By far the most anticipated feature of the new service is the so-called ‘Secret Crush’ gimmick, whereby users can compile a list of contacts from both their Facebook and Instagram they have hidden romantic feelings for.

That person will then receive an anonymous notification, and if they at some point also list you as a secret crush of theirs, you’ll be matched.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Why, oh why Mark, would you decide to announce this literally the same week you admitted to exposing more than 419 million user IDs and phone numbers online? Come to think of it, why would you announce this a mere year after a glitch made private posts of 14 million users public?

I mean, companies finding out your IPO information is potentially harmful to the entire concept of privacy, but people finding out your crushes? That’s embarrassing.

Well, fear not, as there is a very sound and logical explanation behind Facebook’s curious timing. And that explanation is… uh… um… well…


Predicting these concerns, Facey has made sure to emphasise that Facebook Dating will host a whole bunch of features with privacy at the forefront. Users will be able to share plans and locations of dates with selected friends, and can easily hide their dating profiles from friends of friends to avoid disclosing sensitive info like sexual orientation.

But, given the company’s history with data sharing, it’s hard to imagine they won’t use this as another portal into users lives; collecting, targeting, and selling dating history, romantic preferences, emotions, sexual interests, and much more.

Still, in a world where online dating is turning into a multi-billion-dollar industry, it was only a matter of time before Zuck clocked on. Still, whoever nudged him towards the idea, you’re officially on my naughty list…