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Online relationship coaches/gurus are building businesses formed on some seriously reductive views about gender for years and weโve stopped talking about it.
Everyone has wished at some point that they could snap up fingers and woo their crush, but of course we know the world doesnโt work that way. However, there are self-proclaimed โrelationship coaches/gurusโ lurking in the bowels of the internet that claim finding love is as simple as handing over your pin number and following their infallible guidelines.
At Thred, weโre pretty much your basic Gen Z office. We spend frankly too much time trawling through the most ridiculous and risquรฉ forums Reddit has to offer and we have a ruddy good time. But recently we ended up down a rabbit hole we really werenโt ready for. Now believe me when I say it takes something truly sinful to offend us all as a collective, but on this rare occasion we were unanimously triggered by what we witnessed on that single monitor.
My fellow writer Charlie grabbed the attention of the room claiming we had to come and see the ad heโd just clicked on โ he maintains to this day it was for investigatory purposes only. He loaded up what appeared to be a charming animation video at first glance, but then the title appeared. We all sat in a strange mix of horror and hilarity as Christian Hudson walked us through the โGirlfriend Activation Systemโ.
Throughout the 40 min video (it felt way longer) the head of the Hudson enterprise explained the fool proof steps to transform a โcold girlโ into a โloving girlfriendโ. Howโs your cringe reflex doing? To begin with he initially recounts the heart-breaking tale of a man whose money, cars, and good looks werenโt enough to garner him a meaningful relationship or time between the sheets with his dream girls โ Hudsonโs old self. But he perks us all up towards the end with the revelation that a woman is there to be โwonโ so long as you understand the โhardwiring of female DNAโ. Are you gonna tell us Chris, for reals!?
Seriously though, Iโm trying to laugh to keep from crying here. Iโve known this sort of con fodder has always plagued the internet like some form of data detritus, but this was the first time Iโd been the recipient โ categorically not the โbeneficiaryโ as Hudson described it. We hadnโt stumbled on a goldmine; weโd trodden in dog sh*t.
Itโs something that I feel we have to address now because pertinent conversations about the arbitrary โrolesโ of men and women in dating have noticeably regressed in recent years, which is odd considering the immense popularity of dating apps today. And previous standards have become tired and frankly outdated.
The laughable strategies Hudson ran us through could honestly have been devised by Steven Stiffler from American Pie. He basically told us that women are a commodity to be won and devised a bunch of laughable scenarios to โseal the dealโ on the first date, like โinviting her in, making sure youโre not wearing shoes, and holding a glass of wineโ. He then went on to tell us how heโd exercised his explicit โtext messagingโ system to snag his friendโs girlfriend on a whim, only to dump her weeks layer because she was โtoo clingy and needyโ.
I mean the whole thing was just so seedy. The entire system is founded on the most damaging, misogynistic values possible, preserving the flawed entitlement of men which still permeates through what is supposed to be an increasingly progressive society. It made for real tough viewing, and tbh we didn’t even finish the video.
For me personally, it really struck a chord. Growing up in a working-class household Iโve often borne witness first-hand to the typical โladโ culture and the senseless double standards applied to women. Iโve mixed with groups of boys who, to this day, are interested in little but upping their โbody countsโ and solidifying their ‘f boy’ statuses using the guise of โdating menโ to do so, because in these circles itโs not only accepted, itโs cool.
This kind of behaviour Iโd previously attributed to a limited education and the misguided passing down of values, but to see intelligent and wealthy men spreading similar ideas on the grand scale of the internet is truly surprising and disturbing to me.
Hudsonโs site was just the tip of the iceberg too. After a quick Google search, he opened us up to a whole community of โrelationship coachesโ who make an absolute killing through spreading equally reductive messages about finding love, dating, and ofc the so-called flaws in women.
Evan Marc Katz has created a relationship blog which details the mistakes he believes women are making when dating, and after a brief glance at his content you can see similar themes to Hudson cropping up. One particular entry caused quite a stir online, titled โWhy Men Donโt Like Successful Womenโโฆ I wonder why anyone would take exception to that.
In this piece Marc Katz thinks he completely debunks a social myth that men are attracted to smart and successful women, based on โ you guessed it โ absolute diddly squat. โStrong anecdotal evidenceโ has reinforced his notions that most bright women are opinionated, and most funny women are sarcastic. And the key to a happy relationship is โnot being challengedโ.
